Feeling Complete

Hi guys! How are you all doing?

I can’t believe how fast each week has passed, it’s almost midterm for me when I feel like I just started my 4th semester like last week.

So, today’s post as you can see, it’s another one of my personal thought/experience type of thing. I’m sorry if you want to read my reviews instead, it’s just that I don’t have time to watch any drama during my school days and I still want to post at least once a week as it’s my blog target for this year.

But.. I’m thinking that maybe I can review some older dramas that I watched in the past that I never reviewed in my blog here before. Let me know if you’d want that instead. Please bear with me until holiday, I promise I’ll review a bunch of new dramas then.

Fact #7: I have a pretty bad OCD.

Despite you guys may be bored with this kind of post, I actually enjoy writing it, so much. This blog has become like my online diary where I talk about stuff that I can’t purge anywhere else. It’s not that I don’t have friends that I trust, but I just feel like I haven’t formed the kind of “connection” with anyone where I feel like I can talk about my personal random stuff like this.

So, this is something that I’ve been contemplating the whole week. Feeling complete, what does it feel like?

My two cents for this topic is that right now I’m actually feeling complete by myself, but…

I mean, in the past I used to be so insecure about myself, from every aspect such as my look, my passion, my work, etc. I just always felt like I was not good enough, therefore I need somebody to ‘complete’ me. That way I could finally be content with “how I was not good enough”. 

But right now, I can proudly say that I don’t feel that way anymore, at all.

Passion is such an amazing thing for me. I feel 100% happy and excited whenever I’m doing things that I love. I’m doing it for myself, and not for anyone else. I feel that I’m put together each time. It’s such a pleasant feeling to have.

Although, I must be honest that the “I’m not good enough” feeling will still come from time to time because it’s true that I’m nowhere near the “best” compared to other people out there. But right now, it’s not a negative feeling to have for me. I take it as a motivation to be better, to always have the room for improving myself. 

It’s not about how I want to have somebody to complete me anymore. It’s how I can be better to complete myself.

It has been such a long journey for me to get to this point. But when I get there, it truly feels wonderful, beyond words.

Some people may think that everything I just said is petty, that it’s just me trying to justify myself despite the reality. And it’s okay, everyone can think however they want to.

But…

I’m a big liar if I say that I never thought of having people to care for me. I don’t know, sometimes I feel like I try too hard to be independent that somehow I really ended up that way. And people including my friends and family just take few steps back and let me do my own thing. A friend once said that she thinks of me as someone who always have solution for anything. Actually, I don’t.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have my own vulnerabilities. There are times when I feel so weak that I can’t do anything at all. But since my “relationship” with people have already turned out this way, the only thing I could do is to stand up, by myself. It’s hard for me to ask somebody to help me to get up.

Yeah, it’s just something that I still need to work on.

Do you guys relate to anything I mentioned today? Please let me know in the comments below or feel free to contact me through email. Few weeks ago there were several people who shared their story with me and I’m really thankful whenever you guys do so! Have a nice week ahead everyone 🙂

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