What do you look like on the inside?

Hi guys!

Another week has just passed again. Time flies, does not it? My week has been pretty mediocre, nothing special happened. Some days were very tiring and that’s it. I hope yours are better than mine though!

So, today’s post is another My Story type of post. I just gathered some thoughts last night and I just want to pour it out. It’s not something particularly deep or enigmatic, just some things that I learnt about myself recently. If you’re interested, then just keep on reading.

Fact #6: I secretly want to get a pixie haircut.

Let me start by asking you a question:

Do you look the same inside out?

My answer is no, I don’t.

Let’s put aside the situation of we purposely being/acting fake for some reasons. I’m talking about on a regular, day-to-day situation. What I understand from this is that your exterior is how others perceive you and how you present yourself to the world, no I’m not talking about physical appearance here. While your interior is the hidden side, that most likely you’re the only one that has seen it.

I don’t want to say either side is real while the other is fake, because in my opinion it is not.

In my case, since the time I could remember, I always appear as a sweet, girl-next-door type of person. Even my family think of me like that, maybe only my parents have seen my uglier side. In school, I think everyone saw me as plain and boring, personality-wise. Yeah, I don’t blame them though. I have already came to the point where I don’t really care how people see me through their eyes, unlike how I used to care too much about things like this.  I think what they think of me isn’t necessarily wrong though. I am a boring person to others, and sometimes, I feel like I purposefully emphasize this part of me. If I’m boring, then I will not get all the attention directed on me, because I don’t like it.

Being a crazy-introvert made me hate standing at the center of attention most of the time. I want people to see my works, not me as a person. So, I guess I secretly enjoy my “boring exterior”. I find myself being more at peace when I don’t have to deal with all this human-interaction kind of things.

Vice versa, then how do I actually look like on the inside?

I don’t think it looks any prettier than the exterior though, Hahaha, give me a second, I find it really funny talking about myself here as if it was someone else. Ok, so back to the topic, If I were to describe myself in one word, I’d go with complicated. I’m much more complicated than what I appear on the outside: I overanalyse every single aspect of my life. From the most trivial thing like my breakfast to human-interactions. With the latter being the most exhausting one.

My mind just never rests, it keeps adding new ideas and thoughts despite I’m tired physically. I have learnt to accept it the way it is though, it’s part of my me after all.

One thing that I find really funny is how some people (if not most) see me as a sweet and naive little girl. I’m not though, I never am.

My thoughts get as wild as it could be. I think of both pretty and ugly things. I understand and see everything despite saying I don’t on the outside. I don’t see it as being fake, it’s only my coping mechanism. It’s something I realized just recently. I used to hate how “weak” I appear in front of others compared to my inner self and I tried so hard to let my inside breaks free. But I failed, and each time I’m always back to play the sweet character.

I mentioned how human-interactions drain all of my energy in the blink of an eye. I learnt it the hard way that being nice and sweet give me less to deal with. Ironic? Probably, but I don’t really mind it now. I’m good with how my life functions as of now. I don’t feel like I’m pretending though, it just feels.. normal at this point.

I just laugh inside my head from time to time when people comment on my personality the way they think it is, and no, I will not correct them though. Being slightly ignorant does save me from all the hassle sometimes.

Wow, I think I just let my inner self shine through in this post more than I have ever been in my real life. It feels kinda nice though.

Okay, let’s end this post with a positive note. I believe that I’m not the only “boring” person out there, and for those of you who think that being boring is a negative personality trait, let me tell you that it’s not. Boring is also a type of personality, and at the end of the day, you are the only company you have. So as long as you can be at peace with yourself—or if you can’t, you should right now, why does it matter what kind of personality do you have? It’s okay to be weird or boring.



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